-Fication
by The Bad Joke
Summary: This life. He does not know whether to call it a blessing or a curse.
1. One

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**-Fication  
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This life.

He does not know whether to call it a blessing or a curse.

He cannot be seen by others – he is already painfully aware of this fact. Along with this, he learns he is different from everyone else in a multitude of ways. It only takes a few years for him to learn that he does not age in the slightest. The state of his body stays the same. He is not going to be getting any taller, or shorter, for that matter. No facial hair. No wrinkles. No anything.

He can't die like everyone else, either.

He watches as the humans lives go by. In the span of the average human's life, he still does not know what it feels like to hold someone. Or for someone to hold him in return. He does not know what it feels like to share a kiss. He's pretty sure that, if he did have the chance to kiss someone, he would freeze their lips solid. Frostbite. The humans are afraid of that. Only, as time goes by and technology advances, they aren't afraid anymore. He guesses this is a good thing on his part.

With the years endlessly being thrown at him, he also learns more and more about his powers. Sometimes, when he experiments enough, he can do something completely new by the end of the day. Sometimes, he gets carried away with his powers, because they are one of his only sources of entertainment.

He will never forget the time he froze an entire field solid, actually proud at the realization of the things he can do, and – he didn't see her, he really didn't, he thought there was no one else around – caused a little girl to slip and crack her head on the ice. He watched in shock as the girl's friends tried to carry her back home but just couldn't and-

_Be careful where you practice, Jack. _

_Be careful, Jack._

_Be care-_

He is a burden. Invisible, but a burden nonetheless. If he knew how to disappear completely, he would have done it already. He would have years ago when he first woke up, damned to spend an eternity to roam the world aimlessly for- for what exactly? To watch everyone else as they live out their lives? As they live and breathe and love and feel and know, just know why they're here while poor Jack Frost questions his purpose every day.

Humans are lucky, he decides. They don't know how good they have it.

And when they finally do, it's only seconds before death hits them like a gust of icy cold wind. Even if he was given the opportunity of death, he isn't sure if he would appreciate this life before he died. He has nothing to lose, anyway. The only thing he might miss is flipping girls' skirts up with wind, but he only does that if he is really, really bored, so maybe the only reason he would want to stay is to know why he is here.

However, he already knows that he will never know. The Man in the Moon fails to tell him whenever he builds the courage up to ask. He figures he is supposed to find out on his own, but he has tried. For all he knows, he was just put her to be miserable. Maybe he did something terrible in his past life and is paying for it now.

Yes, that must be it. He needs to atone for his sins, somehow.

It's just kind of hard to do that when no one can fucking _see_ you.

It's a curse, he decides. And whatever, he will just have to deal with it. Just make the best out of it, you know? He does what he can to make himself happy. He plays pranks for his own amusement, and for the amusement of others. When he sees a bully preying on a kid, he will stick up for the underdog. He gives the kids snow days when they need them most, and hell, even the adults, too.

He gives unexpected blizzards when he is angry and soft snowfall when he is sad. It doesn't matter either way because people just excuse it for bad weather and hey, the kids are out of school for a couple of days, score. If his purpose is to give the humans mild enjoyment, then so be it. It's not like he needs more time to pity and envy them all, anyway.

He has more important things to worry about, anyway.

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Whoops, I wrote a Rise of the Guardians fanfiction. Sorry.

Just a short musing on Jack. Expect more fanfiction. I already have an idea that I think will make everyone hate me because it's just that downright depressing. So yeah, expect that. In the meantime, tell me what you think of this if you so desire.


	2. Two

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The fact takes a while to sink in.

The fact that he died, sometime three-hundred years ago, when falling into that abyss of a lake. The sadness of his death stings more and more when he really stops to think about it. How long, he wonders, did his sister stay by that lake – crying? Did she yell out for someone, anyone, to please, please save her big brother? Did she crawl in the thin edge of the ice, daring to look down, to see a glimpse of her dead sibling? _Did she?_ he wonders.

What killed him first – the water or the cold? He imagines hypothermia to be his killer; he wouldn't be so cold now if it wasn't.

And how long was his body encased in that lake, before the Man in the Moon decided to wake him? A couple hours? Days? Weeks? ...Years?

He wonders if he ever saw his sister once or twice after becoming Jack Frost. He wonders if she ever walked by him, or if he ever glided past her window, and he just didn't realize it was her. The thought depresses him. If only he has gotten his memories back sooner. He could have watched over her, as she grew up and he remained regrettably unchanged by time.

Immortality is a dangerous thing, he decides. He would rather live without it. As much as he hates to think about it, Jamie will die one day. He will die, along with everyone other human on this big green and blue world, while Jack is forever stuck in a continuous cycle of loving and losing.

If only he hadn't died on that day. If only he was a little quicker. If only such a childish idea had not transformed into something devastating, and ugly. At night, it is not uncommon for him to stare at the moon and replay his death a thousand times in his head, _trying_ to think of ways he could have avoided it. It was, he supposes, extremely avoidable. He is just an idiot. He should have been more careful.

If anything, he is so relieved that it was he who died, and not his sister. He knows he would have lived out the rest of his life in self-hate, closing himself off to the world. He is happy that he was the one to have died, but he would rather have spent the rest of his life alive, with his sister and family. Just, he wish it didn't have to be like this.

Not like this.

When Jack told Tooth about his death, she just gave him a sad smile and said, "Your heart's so big. I guess the ice couldn't hold something like that."

If only ice could run thicker.

He can only wonder.

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Just another musing. It's not meant to be connected to the previous one. I just put it here because I didn't like the idea of clogging the site up with such a short fanfiction. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed. If I ever write anymore short musing about Jack, I guess they'll go here from now.


	3. Three

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He remembers exactly how it felt.

He remembers exactly how it felt for someone to finally _see_ him, and it felt-

It felt-

He doesn't even think there is just one word to describe the feeling. It was just... Amazing. Beautiful. Glorious. Striking. Magical. And even a tad heartbreaking. He remembers how his heart practically stopped in sheer wonder, only daring to take another beat. He remembers how his eyes would not close. How they stayed open with amazement, stuck on the human being that was causing him to react in such an unfamiliar way. And when they finally where able to move, they quickly blinked several times, filling with something tingling and heavy.

He remembers the slight chills that started at his fingers and toes, and how they vibrated along his body until they stopped suddenly at the center of his chest, leaving him with a fuzzy feeling. He remembers how he couldn't exactly control his mouth movements. Granted, he probably made a few funny faces, but everything just felt _right_ for once in his life as he smiled.

It was probably a silly-looking smile, but a smile nonetheless. He finds himself smiling a lot, when he is with kids and whatnot, but that smile felt like the most real thing he has ever felt since...since...since he was alive. It has been the most real thing he has felt in this life, that he almost cried. He feels so cold all the time, so cold that he was sure that at one point crying was impossible for him. What if the tears just turned to ice on his face?

But no, he could cry. Even if it was only a few tears of happiness, he could cry, and without ice blocking his features. That moment proved it.

He remembers it being the best moment of his life as Jack Frost. He wants to treasure it and never let it go. After three-hundred long years filled with isolation, he was positive that he would spend an eternity unseen, unheard. His heart hurt so much at the thought that, one day, it just stopped hurting. He had become numb to the idea of hope. He had tried everything, so what was the point to keep trying to only be rewarded with failure? But he was wrong. He was blissfully wrong.

He knows exactly how it feels.

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These appearing to be to getting shorter. Watch the next one (if there is a next one) be like one sentence long.


	4. Four

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When Jack gets down to it, he finds them all very fascinating – the Guardians, that is.

He almost looks up to them as parents, as weird as that may sound. Actually, as a matter of fact, they are all older than him. He is practically a baby in their eyes. Just not by actual age, either. They all are just so much more knowing than him. So much more experienced and dedicated and accepting to the world.

They actually make him feel a little amateur, like he should know better and more for his old, yet not so old, age. He is never judged though. They tell him he is fine just the way he is. This is why he is happy he decided to become a Guardian, and befriend them along the way. Being around them all of the time almost makes him forget how lonely he once was.

_Almost._

Sometimes, when he is in a sour mood, his mind will spiral out of control as he thinks about how much the Guardians didn't care before the Man in the Moon chose him. How they did not bother with his petty existence until he was absolutely necessary. He will retreat to his lake in a heap of emotions, slandering the moon, shooting ice in streaks of lightening aimlessly until he calms down.

He never knows who to be angry with, so the Man in the Moon is always the default. It's easy to push the blame on someone else. It's easy to hate someone who does not take the time of day to communicate with him.

But then again, Jack feels like maybe he should be thanking the Man in the Moon for giving him this opportunity. Without him, it is possible the Guardians would still be ignoring his existence.

_Why did you make me wait so long?_ Jack constantly and silently asks to himself, not bothering to question the moon.

He, however, knows the exact answer to why it took so long for him to be chosen. It is because he was not needed until the Man in the Moon picked him. As bland as it may sound, the only reason Jack was chosen was to stop Pitch. And he did. And he feels happy to be believed in now. But, at the same time, he feels empty because his purpose has already been accomplished. Now, or at least until something very bad pops up again, something like Pitch, all he needs to do is what he has always done: bring snow and fun. His life is exactly how it has always been, but this time, it comes with plenty of recognition, which he without a doubt enjoys.

Still, Jack feels cheated.

He feels so used and _cheated_.

None of this is enough for him to hate the Guardians, though. They seem to appreciate his company, so he will continue to do the same for them. Despite how played he feels, he still smiles when North reassuringly pats him on the shoulder. He still smiles when he and Sandy try to hold a conversation. He still smiles when Tooth gets embarrassed around him for seemingly no real reason. And he still smiles – well, smirks, rather – when he catches Bunny doing, well, very bunny-like things.

Just as long as Jack never lets any of them know how he truly feels, he thinks everything will be okay.

If everyone pretends to be blameless, everything will be okay.

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Look, another drabble. Don't worry, I'm surprised too.


	5. Five

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Sometimes he wishes that he had accepted Pitch's offer.

It would be a bleak reality – a world of perpetual cold and dark – but Jack wishes that he had taken hold of that dream and thrived on it. Sometimes. Sure, life as it is now is nice. Being believed in is nice and being seen – finally, _finally_ – is nice. Everything as it is now is so very lovely and cozy and special. He would be foolish to let this reality go, to desire something different. But there is something deep down inside of Jack that craves…destruction. A part of him that wants to not be so nice and twist things up a bit.

He would never admit that though. Of course he wouldn't.

Besides, Pitch is… Well, he isn't bothering anyone anymore. Gone? Yes. Forever? Probably not. He could be dead but he could be slithering underneath the earth, planning a new scheme that he will undoubtedly unleash in the next several hundred years or so.

Jack's guess is that Pitch isn't dead.

Jack would never admit this either, but he visits the entrance – well, what's left of it – to Pitch's lair sometimes. And sometimes, only sometimes, he stares at the packed dirt as his toes attempt to move through the cool of it, and all he can think about is how Pitch has to be down there somewhere. He just has to. And it isn't that he doesn't want to come back up – he _can't_. Jack has a feeling that Pitch's Nightmares have been torturing him since he was literally dragged down there. The marks his fingernails left in the dirt didn't disappear for weeks.

Sometimes Jack swears he can hear cries shaking weakly within the earth. He wonders if they're coming from Pitch or if they're just coming from his imagination. There's no real way of knowing.

Sometimes he feels bad. Sometimes he wants to find out a way to get Pitch free.

But that would be absolutely foolish. After all those terrible things Pitch did to the Guardians? After how he caused Jack to betray the lot of them? After all that hard work it took them to finally get rid of Pitch? Stupid, reckless. Only someone who wanted Pitch's twisted reality to be real would want such a thing, and who would want that?

Jack doesn't.

But only sometimes.

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Omfg they are getting shorter. But I at least like this one so, no harm done?


End file.
